Three AM
by inharborlights
Summary: When a crash sounds from downstairs in the middle of the night, it's up to Kiku and Alfred to run down there and defend their household. Short and sweet, written for Day 6 of the Hetalia Fanfiction Network Drabble Event.


_CRASH_

Kiku's eyes flew open as his body jolted upright in the bed. He listened as the house became quiet for a moment, then the noise resumed with a sort of muffled, uneven thumping and scratching.

Kiku glanced from the alarm clock next to his bed to the lightly snoring form of his boyfriend, Alfred, next to him.

"Alfred!" He whispered, hardly daring to breathe. When he didn't respond, Kiku firmly shook him on the shoulder. "Alfred, I think that someone's downstairs!"

The blond man groaned into his pillow before shifting his head to the side. He cracked open one sleepy eye and yawned. "Whazzat?"

Kiku huffed and raised his voice slightly. "There is a burglar in our house!"

Alfred's eyes flew open. "WHAT?!" He yelled, haphazardly trying to scramble into a sitting position. Kiku held his breath as Alfred somehow managed so hit his head on the bedside lamp, sending it flying to the floor in a cascade of glass shards that echoed through the house.

"Please try to be more quiet! What if they hear us?" Kiku hissed, his eyes darting around the dark room as if an intruder could be in any corner.

Alfred pulled himself back up onto the bed. "Sorry. Are you sure that there's someone here?" he whispered, his eyes wide in the inky darkness of their bedroom.

Kiku nodded towards the ground. "The noise woke me up," he replied, reaching for the phone charging on his bedside table. "We need to call the police."

"No way! We can totally handle a burglar by ourselves!" Alfred insisted. Kiku frowned at him and Alfred stood up, gently taking the phone from his hands.

"We can get 'em!" Alfred whispered enthusiastically. He turned in circles as he scanned the room for something before striding over to their closet. He deftly opened the door and began rummaging around through the piles of junk in it, muttering to himself. Kiku slipped out of bed and padded over to him.

"So, I'll take this." Alfred straightened up out of the closet, an old baseball bat in his hands. "And you can have..." He awkwardly handed the bat to Kiku and went back to digging through the closet for a few moments before stepping back from the door, his arms full with a large pillow.

Kiku glanced at it for a second before putting his face in his hands. "Alfred, no." The pillow had been a gag gift from one of Kiku's brothers a few years ago: a full-sized dakimakura with (thankfully at least partially-dressed) images of Hatsune Miku on each side of it. Alfred had thought that it was hilarious, and Kiku didn't have the heart to throw it away, so it had been hidden away in their closet for years. Looking at it now, though, Kiku could've burned it.

Alfred didn't move. "Come on, babe! You could totally fight with it. Or just throw it in the asshole's face to distract him while I rush at him," he insisted, his eyes glowing with excitement.

Kiku was about to ask whether Alfred couldn't check the closet for anything better one more time until another crash sounded from below them. He took the pillow reluctantly from Alfred and nodded. " _Hai_. Let's go."

A few minutes, a couple of hushes, a 'super cool ninja spy trick' from Alfred that sent him tumbling down the stairs, and four band-aids later, Kiku and Alfred stood waiting just outside the kitchen door.

"Ready, darling?" Alfred whispered, a crazy smile lighting his face.

Kiku sighed and stood on his toes to place a quick kiss on his boyfriend's lips. "Please be careful," he replied.

Alfred winked. "'Careful' is my middle name. Well, I mean, it's actually 'Francis', but..." He shook his head and grabbed Kiku's hand. "Alright, on the count of three, we burst in there, flip on the light and start screaming. He'll shit himself before he can retaliate!"

"What?!"

Alfred let go of his hand and brought a finger to his lips, a warning to be quiet. Kiku stared at him for a moment, closed his eyes in defeat, and braced himself with the dakimakura.

"Three... Two... One!"

Alfred's excited screaming rang through the house before Kiku could even flip the kitchen lights on. He chased after him into the kitchen, nearly tripping over his pillow, and spun wildly for a few seconds before smacking the lightswitch. Both of them yelled as the sudden light blinded them, and in their confusion they knocked straight into each other and tumbled to the floor in a heap.

Alfred began swinging his baseball bat around wildly as he tried to untangle himself from Kiku, who narrowly avoided a blow to the head from it. "BRING IT ON!" He hollered, accidentally whacking Kiku's pillow square onto the stove.

Starting to regain his sight, Kiku dove after the pillow. He used the stove to pull himself up, grabbed the dakimakura, and looked all around the kitchen for the invader.

There were a number of cereal boxes on the floor, a couple of silverware drawers opened slightly, and a number of brand-new scuff marks on the walls, but nobody there except for Alfred, who was still flailing around on the floor. Kiku frowned, cautiously scanning the kitchen again. "Alfred, there's nobody here."

The yelling stopped abruptly and Alfred paused his movements to look up at him. "What? But what about the noise?" He asked.

Before Kiku could reply, a sharp hiss sounded from a spot above him and to the right. He jumped back from the stove in surprise and looked up to see a beautifully dappled ragdoll cat watching him from a semi-empty cupboard. A swish of it's long, fluffy tail sent a small box of Miso Soup packets flying to the floor where it landed among the cereal boxes and a few mangled cans of tuna.

"I think that this is our 'burglar'," Kiku answered. He picked up one of the cans of tuna from the floor and peeled back the lid before grabbing a small plate. "The poor thing must've come in here looking for a meal, he has to be starving," he sighed, dumping the contents of the can onto the plate. He carefully held the plate up to the cupboard to let the cat sniff it, then placed it back on the counter. He backed away, and after a few seconds of distrustful glaring, the cat leapt down from the cupboard and ravenously gobbled up the fish.

Kiku watched him eat, satisfied. Alfred handed him another dented can of tuna, and Kiku deftly opened it and dumped it onto the plate. To his surprise, the cat didn't flinch away or hiss again at his approach.

"Well, he's not feral," Alfred suggested, finally getting up from the floor.

Kiku smiled at him. "Nope. I'd bet you anything that he's a sweetheart that just got lost from home." He redirected his attention to the cat, who was just finishing up the second can of fish. Kiku stepped forward and gently reached out his hand to let the cat smell it.

The cat delicately sniffed his fingers, then happily rubbed his head into Kiku's palm, purring loudly. Kiku scratched behind his ears. "We should wash him up and scrounge up a bed for him until we can get him to the vet tomorrow." He glanced at the clock on the wall. "Or, today, I guess."

"I think I know what will work for a bed," Alfred chimed, patting the dakimakura.

* * *

An hour later the pair was back in bed, their freshly-washed and fed little 'burglar' curled up in the warmth between their chests. Kiku clicked off his bedside lamp and scooted as close as he could to Alfred without squishing the cat.

"Well, we've done good," Alfred sighed, smiling at him through the darkness.

Kiku tangled their legs together. "We have. Maybe we should adopt our own cat once we get this one back to his original family," he yawned.

Alfred hummed happily. "Can we get a dog, too?"

Kiku sleepily kissed him and let his eyes drift closed. "Only if it doesn't try to break into our house at three AM."


End file.
